Holiday....Celebrate...

This is my last day at work for three weeks – fucking yessssss!
I am very excited.
I work at a travel publishing company and I've spent the last day telling all the authors I work with that I'll be taking time off. They've all been very sweet and responded to my emails by asking about the fantastically exciting destination I'll be travelling to for my holiday.

Ahem.

I'm not planning on doing any overseas travel.
I'm way too lazy for that.

This is what I'll achieve in my break, I will:

• Hire out and watch the first series of The Wire. I love HBO.
• Have a drink at St Jerome's (I've never been there and I feel woefully out of the city scene as a result)
• Drive to Adelaide (Because I've never done that)
• Plant a veggie patch
• Go to the Melbourne Show
• Buy Richard Buckner's new album
• Start looking for another job
• Start writing something (something more substantial than these self-absorbed posts)

It's action-packed, I know.

Here's what I won't be doing:

• Thinking about work
• Saying yes to things I don't want to do
• Stressing

An EXTREMELY productive Sunday afternoon

Whiling away five hours in the sun drinking champagne is the ideal way to close out a weekend. And, if you choose your drinking partners wisely, as I did, hours of entertainment ensue.

My dear friends AJ and JJ introduced me to a new game, tentatively titled 'Who would you fuck?'. It goes a little something like this: pick two particularly unattractive public figures and decide which of the two you could handle having sex with, once you've decided, the person who didn't qualify for a roll in the hay moves to the next round, where an even more unattractive public figure is introduced.
Are you following? Here's an abridged example from yesterday:
would you fuck






Naomi Robson

OR


















Angela Bishop?

'Naomi Robson'

Angela moves through to the next round.

So would you fuck Angela Bishop (see above)

OR













Magda Szubanski?

'Angela Bishop'

Magda moves through to the next round.

Would you fuck Magda Szubanski

OR



















Amanda Vanstone?

'AMANDA VANSTONE'.

This actually happened. Ben couldn't get past Magda so he agreed to have sex with Amanda Vanstone - oh the humanity!
I couldn't get past John Howard, although JJ decided she'd do Johnnie H over John English and AJ decided he'd create the beast with two backs with Magda so that he didn't have to get it on with 'The Freak' from Prisoner.










Hilarity.
A sweet twist to this game, and one that helps heal your now badly damaged soul, is going the other way so that you get a quickie with the hottest celebrity in the world. Ben wipes his sordid affair with Amanda from his mind by romping with the bootyful Beyonce, AJ gets an indecent proposal moment with Beatrice Dahl (circa Betty Blue), JJ went staight for Jason Bateman and I kitted up in sexy lingerie for George Clooney (although it was tough to say no to Luke Wilson).

Holy fucking shit

This is who was standing behind me at work about 10 minutes ago:

No fucking kidding.
I have NEVER in my life been so close to that much money. I can tell you, it makes your body feel all weird and tingly.
He could have given me $1 million. Easy.
I'm all star-struck and dumb.

So there she is

I guess they were just waiting for her body to catch up with her hair.

Fair enough.